It was not my child that stuck toilet paper up her nose.
Of course not.
She would never do that.
And she definitely would NOT stink to high noon, because she would never stick things up her nose to stop her nose from running.
Her daycare provider would certainly not comment on the lovely odor that is for sure not coming from my daughter.
I would not proceed to take my daughter to my sisters where we would ponder the odor that is not coming from my daughter. That would be ludicrous!
We would not look up Boo’s nose to see if she stuck something up there, because of course she wouldn’t.
We wouldn’t see the MOUNDS of toilet paper stuck up there, that wouldn’t come out. She would never do that.
The next day we wouldn’t be at the drs. office, we don’t live there enough. Her dr of course wouldn’t believe that Boo would ever stick something up her nose.
She wouldn’t take one look, and tell me the FLY downtown, she would call the ENT on the way. Of course this never happened…of course not on a Thursday…in Rush Hour…During CONSTRUCTION SEASON.
Two hours later we would not be strapping Boo down onto a table.
And I wouldn’t be holding her hand trying not to show her that I was just as terrified as she was that they were going to stick these LONG POINTY PLIERS UP MY BABY’S NOSE.
Of course not.
And we wouldn’t sit and snuggle after as the dr tells us that he almost couldn’t get it, and that if he hadn’t she would have had to have surgery.
To get Toilet Paper out of her nose.
Because of course my child would NEVER do that.
For more Not My Child posts, head on over to My Charming Kids.